Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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