Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
