Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
