do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
ttyl tear gas
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
