you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
