Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
