dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
