im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
