I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
