My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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