A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
