i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I'm determined to sit on that face.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
