My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
