Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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