Swine flu. Run for my life!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
