also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
