Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
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