Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Congratulations! We have a period
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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