I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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