Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
