I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
