I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
