After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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