Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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