Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
