Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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