I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
