Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
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