Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
