Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
