dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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