I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
