I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
