There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I touched a dick in church today
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
