the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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