Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You are a genius and a whore.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
