So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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