Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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