I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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