Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I fill condoms, not promises.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
