Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
