after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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