so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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