i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
