Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
