This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
