nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
