Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
