She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
