Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
