How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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