Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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