Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
