I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
